Why tonight? Why the come apart tonight???


Tonight I sent an email to a close friend of mine. Here’s the content. It pretty much sums up my feelings of late.

I feel like such a stalker. I read all of her blog posts, save all of her pictures. She’s so beautiful, so smart, so talented. And I gave all of that away.

I hate myself some days, you know? I simply can’t seem to find a way to forgive myself for not having enough ego strength to trust in my abilities to parent. For giving in to the pressures of my social and religious group. I was a good mother to her for the nine months I parented her. And I just….I just walked away from her, thinking I was doing what was best.

Ugh. This sucks. Can you tell me how to just make it all go away? Sixteen years later and it hurts just as bad as the first night without her. Maybe more. Actually, a lot more. (As I go find several boxes of kleenex….)

M.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s