Empty Mailboxes Suck. Period.


So it has been over a month since I wrote to your parents and still no response.

Let me tell you, empty mailboxes suck. Well, technically it is not empty because I have been getting bills for the delivery of Princess P. (just over $16K at this point, thank God for insurance!) and lots of junk mail. But definitely empty of a Letter From Them.

I am moving into the despondent part of this whole process of sending a letter to your adoptive parents and not getting a response.The part where I start over-analyzing every word of my letter I sent. Was I too chatty-Kathy? Did I not put enough personal stuff in there? Did I put too much? What did I say that they might find offensive? Was I too open with them? Not open enough? I intentionally didn’t write anything about how I am doing emotionally – that I feel like I am 5 feet tall in 10 feet of water and don’t know how to swim. Should I have written about that? Did I do the right thing by not mentioning any of that? Why won’t they write me back?????

Here is what I wrote (the italicized stuff are the names of people/places I changed before posting the letter here on this blog. Trying to protect a wee bit of personal info and all that jazz…):

Dear Ms. Feverfew’s Adoptive Parents & Family –

I just thought I would write and fill you all in on the details of my latest life adventures. Last September, The Good Professor started all-day kindergarten and I suddenly found my days completely free. I was so excited to move on to the next phase of my life and had come to a place of complete peace about only having the children I had been blessed with. I made plans to finish my comps & dissertation, graduate with my Ph.D. this weekend, and then spend the summer working at an orphanage in Uganda with my mother-in-law.

I planned, God laughed.  Instead of graduating on Friday, I find myself awaiting the arrival of another baby!!! I actually found out exactly one week after The Good Professor started school and I had confirmed my comp dates with my graduate committee. Needless to say, she was a complete and total surprise for us. Mr. Amazing Man is over the moon – he has always wanted a daughter and now at nearly 50 (!!!!!) he is getting one!!! The boys are so excited to get a little sister too, especially The Good Professor.

This pregnancy has been a tremendous trial for the entire nine months and I have to say I am thrilled that it is almost over. I was extremely sick the first 5 1/2 months, lost 36.5 lbs and was hospitalized several times for dehydration.  I had only ever thrown up once in any of my other pregnancies and so this hyperemesis gravardium was a complete surprise to me. I was feeling pretty OK for about a month and then I ended up having some trouble with pre-term labor and have been on some sort of bed rest ever since them.  The past four weeks have been complete bed rest which sounds nice but is really, really, really taxing on someone as active as I used to be!

Technically, I am not due until the end of May . However, because of some previous surgery that prevents me from delivering naturally & my history of extremely rapid births (Captain Knuckles was about 40 minutes from the first contraction and The Good Professor’s was only 25 minutes start to finish!), the doctors at The Most Fantastic Hospital Around have opted to do a c-section at about 37 weeks. We will be going in this next Monday, May 10 at 7:30 in the morning so I am counting hours until this little one makes her debut earthside. This is a completely different approach to having babies than I am used to as previously I have always used a midwife. Planning a highly medicalized birth like this has been quite a challenge for me, but I have some amazing doctors that I trust with this process. Hopefully all will go well and she will be ready to join us in spite of being “invited out” a few weeks early.

So it looks like I will end up graduating next spring instead of this weekend. I am grateful to have such an awesome committee that understands that sometimes life gets in the way of academia.   I was feeling pretty down earlier in the week about not graduating when my adviser told me, “Don’t think of it as not graduating on time but as avoiding a really poor job market!” One of my good friends also reminded me that it is all about sequencing. Another good friend who is a breast cancer survivor said, “Well, at least you still have your health!” Their perspectives have been very helpful for me and now I don’t feel nearly as badly about it! It is what it is and I will eventually get done – as long as I don’t have to recertify any courses, then I can count it a success.

Other than that, my little family is doing well. Mr. Amazing Man’s job is wonderful because he gets to come home for lunch and dinner every single day. After years of having him deployed overseas it is such a treat to have him around so much. The boys are doing well too – The Good Professor continues to astound us all with his enormous vocabulary and his delightful sense of humor. Captain Knuckle has turned into a delightful young man who is nearly as tall as me even though he is only 13 years old. At 5’10”, I thought it would take him at least a few more years for him to catch me in the height category!

We haven’t gotten our next assignment yet – hopefully in the next couple of months we should know where we are headed.  We are hoping for an overseas assignment, but with the geo-political state of the world right now it is looking like Mr. Amazing Man will be doing another unaccompanied deployment again.  That means we are likely to end up in a smaller town in a southern state with lots of beaches or back in that ridiculously large, congested, over-priced and over-populated city we used to live in. We are hoping for a smaller town in a southern state with lots of beaches because we would be minutes from the beach and it would be a dream come true to be able to go to the beach on a daily basis. Plus the cost of living is much less in a smaller town in a southern state with lots of beaches than it is in hat ridiculously large, congested, over-priced and over-populated city we used to live in and I wouldn’t have to work if I don’t want to!!!

So there it is in a nutshell. I hope that all is well with your family. I know the youngest kids are all getting ready to graduate, turn 18 and move on to college – I remember how thrilled my parents were when my youngest sister graduated. Between the 12 children from my family and the 5 children from my New and Improved Dad’s family, they were d.o.n.e. with teenagers and frankly, I don’t blame them!!!

Much love to all of you,

M.

So there it is. As I read and reread it, I can’t seem to find anything so tremendously off-putting or offensive, but then again, I am not an adoptive mother and perhaps I inadvertently used some turn of phrase that might be construed as repulsive, offensive, intrusive, wrong.

Good golly, I have spent my whole life being told how wrong I am and frankly, I am tired of it.

I don’t know how long the despondency part of this will last this time…usually it lasts a couple of months. I have given up going to the mailbox though (it’s about 2 miles from our home).  Maybe by the end of summer I can go check the mail again. Until then, I think my husband has just been officially designated the mailbox-checker around these parts.

Much love,

M.

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2 thoughts on “Empty Mailboxes Suck. Period.

  1. Yup. They do suck. And I cannot see anything in the letter that is offputting… you sound like you are an old friend filling them in on the latest happenings in your lives, totally harmless. Not something I could do with my daughter’s adopters!!

    I hope the mailbox status improves shortly and you wil hear much awaited news.

    Luv Myst xxx

    • Myst – Thanks for giving me your impression of the letter. I had hoped that by this point in time her parents and I could have been old friends – that’s what the intention was way back when…I guess they changed their minds. Their lack of response doesn’t mean I am going to quit sending them!!!

      This week will be tough for me. She turns 18. As I type that, the room starts spinning a bit and I get a bit short of breath. 18 years old – where did all of those years go?

      M.

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