Still it Comes Ringing, Clearer than Clear


Dear Ms. Feverfew –

A few weeks have gone by, I am getting more sleep now and the crazy post-partum hormones are settling a bit. Consequently, I am more able to deal with the “Toad’s Wild Ride” of emotions that adoption brings up. It’s amazing what sleep can do for a woman.

I was pretty dramatic in that last post, wasn’t I? I guess I could go delete it, but I was truly feeling that way at that moment – defeated, despondent, and full of grief. The truth of the matter is this: I can never, have never, and will never lose the hope that someday, we will know each other again as adults. That someday we will be friends, that you will eat waffles with strawberries and whipped cream at my house for breakfast one day, and that your brothers and sister will get to know you and you will get to know them. I will never give up believing that someday I will get to introduce you to my amazing husband and he will finally be able to meet this daughter-now-woman that I have cried for, prayed for, loved, and cherished from a distance for all of these years.

It has been difficult find that balance between the hoped for future and the here-and-now, but I think I am getting better at it. Now that I am not in constant physical pain, I am much more graceful at dealing with the emotional part of all of this. Speaking of the here-and-now, I can her her hollerin’ for mama over the baby monitor. Until next time –

Much love and belief,

M.

P.S. I still think your parents should have given you that package like they said they would.

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4 thoughts on “Still it Comes Ringing, Clearer than Clear

  1. Yes, they should have given her what is her’s by right. Eighteen is young no doubt about that, but in the eyes of the law she is an adult and should be treated as such. The arents are so worried about losing her that they can’t see they will alienate her themselves if they continue in this behavior. I still truly believe you should take this in your own hands now and not wait much longer. She needs to know everything you have done and said and tried to say to her, whether her arents like it or not. It is your relationship not theirs, your’s and your daughters. It’s really just that simple-

    • Mary – I totally agree. She is moving out today to go to school and so I figure once the semester is underway, I am just going to send her a message on FB letting her know how to find me when she is ready. I don’t think her parents are going to be of much help to her, especially since they “lost” all of the adoption paperwork a few years ago. I guess the kids had gotten into it when they were out one night and so they put it away “to keep it safe” and now they don’t know where it is.

      M.

  2. Good for you-and why do I not believe they lost those papers? Seriously, they have probably hidden them and are keeping those papers from the “kids” on purpose you know that right? Oh I see the quotes now, yes, you know exactly what they did don’t you? Adoption sucks ass-

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