I am not one to normally point others to blogs that I find hurtful or offensive because, well, Cricket does such a good job of it already! My thought is, why mess with perfection? At any rate, I don’t know why I do this to myself but there are a couple of the more odious adoptive parent blogs out there that I read on occasion. One of them in particular, “Heart Cries” riles me on a regular basis. Why do I keep going back to read more? Why oh why oh why?
Maybe because I am honestly seeking to understand all the sides of this equation – truly, I am. In my journey I have met some wonderful adoptive parents who understand, as much as they can, my side and your side of the adoption equation. But then….then there are some that just never seem to get it.
For example, there’s this lovely quote from Rebekah:
But, you know what? Charging $20,000-40,000 to add to our family is robbery….We are only so willing to pay X amount of money for future children. It’s such an unfair moral dilemma that adoptive families are thrown into.” (Adoptive mother, Rebekah at http://rebekahpinchback.blogspot.com/)
Robbery? Robbery???? Does she really want to walk down that path? An unfair moral dilemma for adoptive families? Does she really want to walk down that path too?
Robbery, Rebekah? Let me speak truth to you about robbery.
Let me tell you of millions of women who have been robbed of their children by a society who lusts and covets after a thing which is not theirs (remember that commandment, the one found in Deuteronomy 5:21 – that one about not coveting anything that is thy neighbor’s? That includes their babies.)
Let me tell you of millions of adults who have been systematically robbed of their identity, robbed of their true heritage, robbed of the connection with their people because their original birth records are sealed. (Remember that commandment, Rebekah? The one in Deuteronomy 5:20 that states “neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbor.” That includes lying on a birth certificate. God does not prevaricate, He is unchangeable from season to season. A lie is a lie is a lie.) If you are in possession of a falsified birth record, then you are not keeping this commandment. How do you repent of this? By doing every thing in your position of power (because as an adoptive mother, you have ALL the power in this equation) to pass legislation allowing every adopted person unfettered access to their original, unaltered birth records. Better yet, why don’t you use your position of power to start advocating for the end of lying on birth certificates entirely? Or why don’t you use your position of power to speak up for the preservation of original families?
An unfair moral dilemma, Rebekah? Let me speak truth to you about unfair moral dilemmas.
Let me tell you of millions of mothers who were forced, coerced, pressured, compelled, lied to, lectured, belittled, harangued, harassed, intimidated, browbeat, and bullied into surrendering their child to a “more deserving” woman. And don’t think for a moment that this doesn’t occur today, in this day and age. As the brave warrior-mothers of the BSE regained their voices, the adoption industry’s socially-sanctioned bullying just became “high touch.” Trust me. Ask me how I know. Let me speak truth to you, Rebekah, of the moral dilemma of being told that if you really, truly love your child, then you will give it away to complete strangers but once you do, you are then met with the hushed horror of comments like, “I could NEVER do that to my child!”
Let me speak truth to you about unfair moral dilemmas. Let me tell you of millions of adoptees who struggle to find their own identity, who battle the dilemma of loyalty to their adoptive family and their need to be connected in very real and tangible ways to their first family. Walk a day in their shoes, Rebekah, and then get back with me about “moral dilemmas.”
P.S. Dear Rebekah – Whining about how much your baby “costs” or holding fund raisers to adopt a baby: so not cool. Just sayin’.
P.P.S. Dear Rebekah – One more thing. Can you explain to me why it is OK for you to work and go to graduate school AND parent some other woman’s child but it wasn’t OK for her to work and parent her son? Just a little confused about that…