National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 4: “What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man”


Dear Ms. Feverfew –

This is gonna be the longest letter to date, so pour yourself a cup of cocoa, find a cozy chair, and get comfy.

My Day 3, Part B post got me to thinking about Mr. Amazing Man. I am so grateful that on his adoption awareness journey, he has never once judged me or made me feel anything less than loved and cherished. I am so grateful that he has never told me that he needed to forgive me. The thing I am most grateful for is that he is looking forward to meeting you someday almost as much as I am. He would love it if you ever wanted to come back and “haunt” us. In fact, he would be the first to throw the door wide open and welcome you in with a big hug and tell you to kick off your shoes and relax – you’re among friends.

As I laid in bed this morning contemplating his sheer awesomeness, I was reminded of the “About Her” letter I had tucked in the back of my top drawer, next to the tooth fairy’s collection of assorted teeth, the letters from your adoptive parents, and other precious artifacts of my heart. I sometimes pull it out when he is gone on a long deployment or when I am feeling particularly doubtful about myself.

A little background on the “About Her” letter: I first met Mr. Amazing Man in April 1992, when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with you. My older brother was the commo guy on a Special Forces team and he was participating in a demonstration at UVU there in Orem. My mom, my little sister, and I all stopped by to see my brother. I remember walking down the hallway and seeing Mr. Amazing Man standing down at the far end, his jump-booted foot up on a case, his elbow resting on his knee.

As we got closer, he looked up and smiled, his dancing green eyes matching perfectly with the jaunty green beret on his head. I immediately forgot my name. I even forgot I had legs for that matter. It was truly love at first sight and I knew from that very moment I was going to marry him someday. After we left, he asked my brother for my number but my (self-righteous uber-Mormon) brother told him I had some “family issues” I was working through and handily forgot to give it to him. (He later told me he didn’t give him my number because he didn’t think I “deserved” a guy as good as Mr. Amazing Man. Thanks, big bro! Guess I got the last laugh, eh?) So Mr. Amazing Man went his way and I went mine. I had you a few months later and eventually reliquished you for adoption.

In July of 1993, Mr. Amazing Man once again pressed my brother for my number and this time, my brother relented and gave it to him. I am not sure who suggested it, but he came over to my house and I made dinner and we played some board games. It was perfect. He was perfect. We immediately started spending as much time together as we could. I told him of you and my sorrow at losing you to adoption, of the abuse in my past, and he handled it all with great aplomb.

And I tested him – man o’ live did I ever test him.  It wasn’t intentional but looking back, I was pretty hard on him at times. But he always hung with me (all that Special Forces survival training came in handy during our early years, I am sure!).

Eventually we broke up for good (my fault). I let my Bishop convince me that at 12 1/2 years older than me, Mr. Amazing Man was too old for me. This was the same Bishop that convinced me that I wasn’t a good enough mother for you and that you deserved more than me and he just “happened” to have some friends that lived down the street from him…but that’s another post for another time.

So, in 1995 I promptly went off and married a man my Bishop approved of,  a returned missionary/eventual seminary teacher who was about my age. That turned out so swell we were divorced within two years, leaving me with a little five-month old boy whom I call Captain Knuckle. When Capt. Knuckle a was not quite a year old, Mr. Amazing Man found out I was divorced and so he called me up and asked if I wanted to date. I wasn’t sure at the time, so we did a lot of hanging out and writing back and forth instead.

During this time period, we were both members of an LDS online dating forum.  When he read my profile, he told me that it didn’t even begin to tell the whole story of who I was. I jokingly told him to write a new “About Me” section, thinking he would write something witty and humorous as he usually does. Instead, I got this “About Me” letter in the mail a few days later.

About Her

She is a senior at USU majoring in Psychology with a minor in Music. She plans to graduate next spring and move on to Graduate school. She is an intelligent and excellent student. Her grade point average has fallen because she has decided to spend more time with her little boy, who quite frankly is the center of her life. Though her grades have fallen, they’re still better than yours.

She is very social, and friendly and fun to be with. She has a very kind heart, loves kids, and her many brothers and sisters. She has a great sense of humor. She is now the oldest of all the girls in her family. She seems to fill this leadership role easily and effortlessly. She cares for her family very much. She is a wonderful mother. Her little boy is fun and adorable. She has all the skills of ideal womanhood. She’s wonderful with her son, loves to cook and is very good at it; loves to garden and is good at it. Dresses very well, and looks good in it. She has an amazing singing voice that could take her anywhere professionally, should she so desire. She is definitely blessed with more than her fair share of talents. Actually, she’s very good at everything she does.

She is very beautiful. Striking in fact. Dark beautiful hair, and clear soft brown eyes that may be able to see into your soul. Smooth, soft, and slightly olive skin. Tans beautifully. Tall and curved in all the right places. Wonderful warm touch. Extremely feminine body. Feels wonderful in your arms. Very sensuous. Astounding kisser. She is the most fun you’ll ever have, even better than freefall. If you belong to her she will kiss you anytime, anywhere. She responds every time you kiss her with a warm smile. Can make you feel like the only man in her life, and if she does, then you are.

She is warm and wonderful to be with. Can somehow tease you in that way that makes you feel special. Loves to go out doors and try all kinds of activities. Loves to sit and snuggle on the couch with a good movie. She is mature beyond her years but being with her makes you feel younger and gives you more energy. If you belong to her, she loves to be with you. She cries at sad movies and will somehow soften your heart so that you will too, no matter how tough and manly you thought you were.

She has many talents and abilities she has not fully explored yet. She has been through the refiner’s fire. She has endured what no woman should have to endure. She has suffered the unspeakable. She has made mistakes in her life and has paid dearly for them. She continues to pay for the sins of others. She has had her heart broken by giving away a piece of her heart. She is a survivor. She has overcome many things. She will overcome all. The fire has tempered her soul. It has refined her spirit. Her spirituality is extremely strong. Her strengths are amazing, her vulnerabilities surprising. Her potential appears to be endless, a potential that others can see in her much better better than she can see herself.  She is a work in progress, but what a beautiful piece of work.

She is very supportive of anything that you want to do in your own career or life. If you cannot do the same for her, then do not apply. She has the ability to talk to your heart, spirit, and soul. Loves to communicate. Is very articulate. Can converse with you all night long and you will hate it when you have to leave. You would give up sleep to be with her. She will appear in your thoughts during the day and sometimes your dreams at night. Will share her heart with you but you had better take care of it because it is priceless. She is a best friend. A true soul mate and companion.

She is what true men dream of but can’t find. She deserves more than she has received. She is patient and understanding. She is true and faithful. She loves her church and her testimony is strong. She is sensitive to the spirit. She has tested the power of Christ and found it true. She has tested the love of God and found it faithful. She has endured all things. She trusts and respects the priesthood and expects much of someone who holds it. She can be easily hurt because she trusts those whom she loves. Don’t be the one to hurt her. It would be better had you not been born. All will fall short of the mark of what she deserves. She will remain faithful to the church to the end of her days. She will make you a better person simply by association. You will learn to fulfill your own duties and responsibilities better because of her. She will touch you in ways you never imagined. She will amaze you for the rest of your life. She will enrich your soul. She will bring out the best in you.

Only the valiant need apply. If you are not faithful in the church, do not respond. If you do not use your priesthood to serve others, do not write. If you don’t keep your temple covenants, don’t even try. If you don’t take care of your duties and responsibilities, forget it. If you haven’t enough courage or strength of spirit, you’re not good enough. If you cannot hang, don’t. If you cannot apologize for your errors to her, then stay away so you won’t make any. She is not a damsel in distress. She needs no rescuing. You cannot save her, she has saved herself. Everything great in her life she has accomplished by herself. She can survive without a man, she always has. No man has made her complete. She needs and wants a companion, a best friend, a partner, and a lover. Pretty much in that order. It’s a big job but the pay is awesome, the benefits unequaled.

Now do you see why I want you to find a guy just like him?

Much love –

M.

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11 thoughts on “National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 4: “What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man”

  1. I hate you.
    🙂
    It’s no wonder you call him Mr. Amazing Man and it’s no wonder you deserve him.
    You are both incredible and I am proud to be your “friend”
    I love your idea of Loves Labor. Keep it up.

    • Shannan – I totally didn’t hook up with you while I was in UT. 😦 Will you forgive me and still be my friend? Oh wait. You already answered that question!!!

      I am glad you like the idea of Love’s Labor – that means a great deal coming from you, an adoptive mom who “gets it” and understands that while you love your children madly, they are yours only because another woman lost them. This project is definitely going to need support from other women who have the same heart as yours.

      M.

  2. Melynda,
    You got the tears going. What an amazing man, no wonder you married him.
    Does he have a nephew that is around 20 to 25? I know a young woman that needs someone like that for herself.
    Jeannette

    • Like I have said before, I wish I could clone him. He’s such a great guy. Give us a few more years to get these kids raised and hopefully we will turn out two more men just like him. That’s our goal at least!

      M.

  3. Oh this post was fantastic! That letter, all I can say is WOW! Mr. Amazing Man described a truly remarkable woman and thus, you two defintely deserve each other. I can’t believe that the same Bishop tried to keep you apart. Grrr. So glad that you ended up together after all.

    • Yeah…and I used to think of that Bishop as a father figure in my life. I guess it was only natural after what I had been through growing up – any kind of fatherly/parental advice was light years beyond what I had been given at home!

      I am so happy things worked out between Mr. Amazing Man and I too. So are my kids. 🙂

  4. He truly is amazing! Especially that it didn’t matter to him that you had a baby, twice, that wasn’t his and kept coming back… not many guys out there who do this. That is very special and I love his About Her letter. So glad you two finally got together. Sucked into the Bishop. God outdid him in the end on that one!!!

    • Even better, my hubby LOVES being a step-dad to Capt. Knuckle. Sometimes I wonder if he is channeling his hero George Washington, father of our country and step-dad extraordinaire to Martha’s two children from a previous marriage.

      That reminds me of a conversation we had the other night. I said, “Honey, if Captain Knuckle’s dad died, would you want to adopt him?” He response was exactly what I wanted to hear: “No. He already has a dad. Just because I am his step-dad doesn’t mean I love him any less.”

  5. OMG, Melt. They need to make more of him. Although my hubby is similar… when we were first going out he said that if I ever got Amber back and I needed him to go, he would understand. I asked him if that meant he wasn’t wanting to be around me if I had a child and he said no, he just never would want to come between a mother and her child. That was when I decided he was a keeper.

    These men are so rare!! So very happy for you that you have found someone so incredibly wonderful M. I really am.

    Myst xxx

  6. What a wonderful love letter from him to you. I think “I” have fallen in love with him this minute!

    I am a birth mother–my son was given up for adoption in 1970. I still miss him, still cry for him, still love him. And I certainly hope his adoptive mother smothered him with love. I hope he wants to meet me someday.

    • Welcome Karen – You sound like most of the rest of us first mothers. We never quit missing our children lost to adoption. We never stop loving them. I am sorry to hear your boy hasn’t found you yet, but I hope for your sake and his that he was raised in a ridiculously loving home.

      M.

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