National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 6: Captain Knuckle and the Curious Case of the Missing Sister

Dear Ms. Feverfew –

Today your little brother turns 14 years old.  I only use “little” in the most general of terms since he is nearly 6′ tall and is starting to fill out with what he proudly calls his “man muscles.” In spite of his newly sprouting mustache (of which he is equally proud) and the deepening of his voice to a mellow chocolate sound, he is still my baby boy. His heart is still as tender and his spirit just as precious as it was when he was a tiny baby.  Even though he is nearly 6′ tall teenager, he will still let me put my arm around him and give him a kiss on the cheek in public.  And I do. Frequently.

His birth made me a mother for the second time. His birth brought a measure of healing to me. His birth re-awakened within me the knowledge that I am a capable, competent mother. His given name means “gift of God” and that is what he has been to me every day of his life.  I treasure the fact that I have been lucky enough to be a mother to this incredible human being.

Unfortunately, adoption has robbed him of you. Ever since “celebrating” his own version of adoption awareness when I told him of you, he has always wondered if you would ever get to meet.  A few years ago, when he was still small enough to fit on my lap, he climbed up and gazed into my eyes with his blue-green ones and plaintively asked, “Mom. Do you think my sister will like me?” When I told him that yes, he was inherently lovable and you would be crazy about him, he wrapped his pudgy arms around my neck, put his cherub cheek next to mine and said, “Good. Because I know I will like her because she is my sister.”

Out of all the sorrows in my life, this is my greatest: That your two brothers and your sister will most likely never know you. Even if they do, the chances are fairly high that they will be the “others” in your life, the less than, the not quite.  Not only will they always be your not quite siblings, but I did this to them. My foolish, trusting, believing heart that thought I was doing what was right and good has severed not only my ties with you but theirs as well, all in the name of love.

Little Penelope is calling for me – I guess I should go rejoin the world.  I just want you to know that there is a young man who is longing to meet you, just as much as I am.

Much love,


8 thoughts on “National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 6: Captain Knuckle and the Curious Case of the Missing Sister

  1. Even if they do, the chances are fairly high that they will be the “others” in your life, the less than, the not quite.

    They’d be the “background” detail.

    • *sigh* But maybe not…hope springs eternal in this mother’s breast, you know?

      (I am a realist most of the time and while I can intellectually understand the wreckage that is left behind by adoption and not take it personally, sometimes I can’t convince my heart of the same thing.)

  2. I guess it can go both ways. I don’t feel part of my natural siblings or they part of me. As they (we) grow older and lose that special bonding time of childhood..we just become people we know of. I don’t relate to any of my siblings on either side. I want to, but I don’t. They are close and do everything together including fight. = ) but they don’t bother much with me and I with them. They come to my town and don’t bother contacting me..and it doesn’t seem to matter much to either one of us.
    I hope and pray that your daughter will meet her brothers and sister while they are still young and can form a strong bond.

    • Oh, excellent point, Linda! I too have siblings that I am not close with. In fact, I have one sister I have only seen or talked with twice (and VERY briefly in passing) in nearly 20 years. I have a brother that I haven’t seen one of my brothers for nearly as long. We just don’t have anything in common. On the other hand, I have sister in laws to whom I am closer than most sisters are with their sisters – the main reason is because we know how to laugh with each other. And as my dear sister in law Maryann says, “Funny is thicker than blood.” If my daughter does decide to be a part of our lives, perhaps it will be more like my relationship with my SILs and she can laugh with her siblings.

      Thanks for your input –


  3. I have a very strong feeling that when you do meet it will be like it is with your SILs. They are wonderful and I get the feeling that Ms. Feverfew inherited more than your gorgeous looks. I just hope you all get to reconnect while they are still young. I can’t wait to meet her too! That will be a happy day. ❤

  4. I meant I think she inherited your wit, humility, humour, laughter, creativity, compassion, candor, joie de vivre, tenacity and all the other little things that make you who you are and make it so easy for you to love. It is what you are with your boys and Princess P so why would it not be who you are with her too?

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