National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 10: Why Princess P.’s Little Head is Covered in Tears Right Now

Dear Ms. Feverfew –

Today  your little sister Princess P. turns 6 months old. At the moment, her 18 1/2 pounds of squishy, snugly adorableness rests comfortably in my lap as she bats at anything within reach, grabbing at the mouse, and trying taste anything she can put her mouth on.  The desk, my watch, a CD case, the remote control – she’s a non-discriminatory taster.  She squeals with delight whenever I talk to her, her chubby arms and legs waving madly as a smile makes its way through her entire body.

In short, she’s perfect.

I lean down and rest my lips against her warm peach-fuzz covered head. And I start to cry, anointing her head with the tears of a mother’s heart.

Oh how I miss you in moments like this.

I know you are a grown woman now and not a baby but you were a baby once. I should have held you on my lap and kissed your peach-fuzz head instead of giving you to strangers, all in the name of love.

Adoption awareness isn’t just a month in my life, it is woven into the sinews and fibers of my soul. And sometimes…sometimes my awareness hurts like hell.

Much love,


4 thoughts on “National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 10: Why Princess P.’s Little Head is Covered in Tears Right Now

  1. Melynda,

    You always write so well. I hope your daughter will learn of and accept the love you have for her. The love that was not broken by a law, by signing a piece of paper. A love that will always be in your heart and if she is able to accept it, she will find that it has always been in her heart also.

    Our second daughters have brought out the love and grief of placing our first.

    Even though my youngest daughter is 12 I still hold her and cuddle with her and remember back to when I was holding my oldest daughter as a baby.

    When my youngest flips her head a certain way or looks at me at times I see so much of her sister in her. No they are not identical but they are so much alike. Alike in looks, in gesture, and in personality.


    • Jeannette – Thanks for your kind words. I figure even if she never reads these letters, at least I have had an outlet for my feelings. As you know, it’s way better than walking around with all of these things unsaid.


  2. Oh how I wish I was able to experience the joy of a daughter after losing my first one. I know your little baby doesn’t replace her. no one can, but to experience some girl sweetness would have been great.

    • Cristy – It is a double-edged sword, that is certain. When it was just the boys, I was spared the in-my-face real-time reminders of what I have lost with my first daughter. Well, at least it was easier to ignore the losses. While it is delightful to have a warm, squishy, delicious little baby girl to snuggle the joy is frequently tinged with the realization of all I missed with Ms. Feverfew.


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