National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 18: J’avais rêvé d’une autre vie

Dear Ms. Feverfew –

Last night, I dreamed  I had another life.

It was a life that included meeting you for lunch between your classes. It was a life that included you playing Call of Duty on the Wii in the family room with Captain Knuckle as The Professor practiced the piano and Princess P sat babbling by your side. It was a life that included all of my children around the dinner table, laughing at little Princess P’s surprised look as she tastes a new food for the first time.

It was a wonderful life.

Don’t get me wrong, the life I have now is good too. I have an amazing husband, two incredible sons, and a baby daughter who delights me with every look, laugh, cry, giggle, coo, and sigh (oh, and she has green eyes like her daddy!!!). My husband is well employed and his income allows me to stay at home and be a mom. I am within months of finishing my PhD (not to shabby for a girl who dropped out of high school, eh?). I have good family and friends who make me laugh frequently. I have a great ward and fulfilling, meaningful callings within the ward. I live in a lovely home in a lovely setting in perhaps the safest location in the United States. Seriously, living here is like living in a national park version of Mayberry with the security of Fort Knox. I have a year supply of food. I have enough water stored for our family to survive for a month if needed (darn those hurricanes!).   I have two very well maintained vehicles at my disposal. A closet full of clothes and shoes. Bookshelf upon bookshelf of books.

But…I don’t have you in my life.

And in case you are ever wondering, even though I have carved out a corner of happiness and success in my life, I would be even happier to have you in it. I have had a good life but if would have been better if you had been here too.

Much love,


2 thoughts on “National Adoption Awareness Month ~ Day 18: J’avais rêvé d’une autre vie

  1. Oh, I get this. I so get this!

    There were days, though, when I found I actually had to go through something like this post of yours to remind myself why I was happy and give myself permission to enjoy my life.

    Its almost like living in two different worlds sometimes, don’t you think. The one world where we have this normal, happy life full of blessings and so many things that make us smile.

    And then that other world, the one that never lets us forget that our happiness will never be fully completely because of our children we miss so much and want so desperately to share our other life with.

    Sigh . . . adoption . . . it just keeps on “giving” doesn’t it?

  2. I remember the feeling of walking into a university back in my birth country, walking into my parents’ home, walking along the streets.

    Thinking I would have had an alternate life, family, language and culture here.

    It has been one of the most bizarre moments, if not the *biggest* one, of my life. How’s that for psychological processing and development.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s