Dear Husband


Dear Husband –

Yesterday you came home from work to find me curled up in bed with the baby girl climbing all over the king-sized bed, no dinner made, and the Professor happily drawing pictures of things exploding into smithereens (I think we have the makings of an EOD man on our hands.) You sat down in the overstuffed chair by the bay window across from my side of the bed, draping your right leg over the arm of the chair casually and we talked.

Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for letting me cry. Thank you for sending the boys out of the room so I could cry. Thank you for not ever getting upset once in our marriage that the house isn’t picked up, the laundry isn’t done, that dinner isn’t made, or that I am not “over” this adoption stuff, that I haven’t “figured it out” yet. Especially lately. I know these last couple of months have not been easy on you. I saw it last night as you pressed your hand to your forehead when you realized that Ms. Fevervew could have been your daughter, not just your step-daughter.  I saw it when our eyes met, your forehead drawn together and your green eyes clouded with the same sadness that shaded them when your father passed away.

Thank you for loving her as I love her. Thank you for loving all of my children as I love them.  Thank you for being gentle and patient with my heart, for not demanding more of me than I can give right now, for not requiring that I heal more quickly than it appears to be happening. I know you wish I could talk more freely with you but I appreciate that you also respect me enough not to demand it from me. Thank you for reading these letters and for knowing that they reveal secret places in my heart that are still too raw and tender to be spoken out loud.

I will get better. The Lord has promised good to me. I expect Him to make good on that promise, just as I know you do. I will eventually figure out how to move through this sorrow, how to manage it, how to exist peacefully with it.  But in the mean time, thank you for loving me without reason and without rhyme. Thank you for your determined and dogged persistent belief that I am enough. That I am more than enough.

With you, I can make it through this.

Much love,

Your Wife

P.S.  I think this is one of my all time favorite pictures of you. Can you believe that dimpled blue-eyed angel baby can drive a car now? You know I love your heart, but have I mentioned your hotness? Yeah…loving you is pretty easy. Oh – and look at the shirt you are wearing!!! Can you believe Captain Knuckle fits into it?

Mr. Amazing Man and Captain Knuckle

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14 thoughts on “Dear Husband

    • It’s been a journey for him, that is for certain. He didn’t “get it” at first when we first dated back in 1993, shortly after I relinquished my daughter. It has been a process, like peeling back layers of an onion. And like I wrote in the letter, it was only last night that he really put two and two together, that he could have been her DAD, that he could have adopted her and we could have been a family.

      But you are right, he is an amazing man and I am one exceptionally fortunate woman.

  1. That made me cry and laugh! Love the picture! He probably reads the comments too so I better not gush about how I agree he is a handsome man 😉 So happy you have him! This will be made right. Maybe not in this lifetime but it will be. It has to. ((hugs))

    • Thanks, Jen. 🙂 But you are safe – he told me last night he doesn’t usually read the comments. One of the things I love the most about him is that he is *totally* unaware of how good looking he is. And I mean *totally* unaware. He views himself as just an ordinary Joe Schmoe. All his sibs seem to be lacking the social awareness gene too, you know the gene that helps people pick up on social cues, as in the ones that mean HEY I THINK YOU ARE HOT, TALK TO ME AND ASK ME OUT WHILE YOU ARE AT IT. His lovely sisters have the same trouble, too. We will be out together and some guy will be totally hitting on her. He will walk away and I will say something like, “AMANDA! He was totally interested in you!” and she will be all, “Who?”

  2. What a great letter and picture! I am so happy you have him, and he gets it. What a truly wonderful man. Big ((((HUG)))) to you. I wish I didn’t know what you meant, but sadly, I do.

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