Dear Person Who Found this Blog by Searching for “Can I Force My Minor Daughter to Give Up Her Baby for Adoption in Utah?”

Dear Person Who Found this Blog by Searching for “Can I Force My Minor Daughter to Give Up Her Baby for Adoption in Utah?” –

Are. You. Serious??????

I am going to try really hard to be as gentle as possible but I must admit, I am shocked a parent would search for an answer to that question on the Internet.  I would think a little prayer, a little fasting, a bit of long suffering and patience would give you better results than typing such a question into a search engine. (BTW, the answer would be NO, you can’t force her to do it, nor SHOULD you force her – at least according to the God I worship and the scriptures I read. Consult D&C 121:41 if you need a reminder).

I can only imagine you are an LDS mother, extremely concerned with avoiding the appearance of evil (something we Mormons are so keen on doing – it’s all about appearing perfect, isn’t it?), maintaining the status quo, and fitting in with the other ladies at Relief Society. You probably don’t know any other women whose daughters have faced a crisis pregnancy and you are just doing what you think you should be doing, what the culture there in Utah tells you that you should be doing.

I implore you to carefully read this blog in its entirety to see what she has in store for her, should she relinquish her child. To carefully read “Thinking of Placing Your Baby for Adoption? Think very hard” found over at [Birth Mother]First Mother Forum. Then go over to Cassi’s blog, Adoption Truth and read everything she has written there, then read every blog she had linked to on the side bar. Then go read every single post at Lost Daughters and every single blog that is linked to it to discover what your grandchild’s future will look like. Read “Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience” and “Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness”, both by Betty Jean Lifton. Read “The Primal Wound” by Nancy Verrier, “The Baby Thief: The Untold Story of Georgia Tann, the Baby Seller Who Corrupted Adoption” by Barbara Bisantz Raymond, and “The Stork Market: America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Industry” by Mirah Ruben. And after that, read every single memoir you can read written by a natural mother and an adoptee. There are so many good ones out there, take your pick, just start reading. Yes, it might take some time but you have a few months, right?

And then when you are done with all that reading, ask yourself, “Am I the kind of mother that would want to force this life on my daughter and my unborn grandchild? Or is there something I can do to help my daughter become the mother God has ordained her to be when He sent her this baby at this point in her life? What can I do to help her feel supported, loved, and capable? What can I do to preserve our family?”

If you can come to a knowledge of the true toll adoption extracts from natural mothers and adoptees and still ask, “Can I force my minor daughter to give up her baby my grandchild for adoption?” then you and I are simply cut from different cloth. Simply put, we worship different Gods, even if we belong to the same church. If you still want to force your daughter to give your grandchild away, then we are not of the same religion. My God teaches me that pure religion is this: to visit the fatherless and widows in their need. Not to remove the fatherless from their mothers under the guise of the “loving option of adoption.”

In the meantime, I will pray for you that your heart will be softened and that you will allow mercy and grace to have a place at your family dinner table. More importantly, I will pray for your daughter and your unborn grandchild that they will find someone who will love them and support them, regardless of how they ended up in the situation they are in (a la Quinten L.. Cook and President Hinckley’s counsel at two different conference sessions).



P.S. Be sure to read Job 24 about what happens to people who pluck the fatherless from the breast. Something about corn being cut down and stuff like that.

10 thoughts on “Dear Person Who Found this Blog by Searching for “Can I Force My Minor Daughter to Give Up Her Baby for Adoption in Utah?”

    • So agree with this.

      What makes me sick is that these women who do this end up protected by the guise of religion, and they feel like they have served their part in the redemption of their daughter. No harm done, everyone is saved.

      It’s sick, and so very wrong.

  1. My Mom forced me and we have never been Mother and daughter again. Sure, we see each other twice a year even though we live in the same town. I can’t forgive her for what she has done and I think her guilt makes it difficult to look at me in the eye. The lack of relationship is more on her part but if I was forced to live without my daughter I can handle living without my Mother. Even if I wanted to fix it, I don’t know how cause for 20 years we haven’t been close. It’s too late for us. However, for the person who wrote that. It’s not too late for you. If you push your daughter to give her child up for adoption be prepared to live without your daughter. Oh and the grandchild that you send off with strangers.

  2. I am an adoptee. I never wanted to be raised by strangers. I have missed my first Mother and the rest of my family every day of my almost 46 years. My natural Grandmother died last summer…I never got to meet her. Adoption took my Grandmother away from me, too.

    Fight for your child. Fight for your grandchild. You will ruin your daughter, and possibly yourself. Adoption is not natural. It is not God’s plan. It is righteous and holy to fight for your family to remain together.

  3. I am soooooo happy to see that you understand the big picture. Many of these agencies and adoptive couples are only thinking about the now, they are not thinking about these children when they turn 18 and can explore on their own and find out their identity.

    Thank you so much for addressing these issues and talking about the underlying problems with the stigmas of the LDS Faith towards creating families and having the “perfect” family.

    • I know!!!! How in the h-e-double hockey sticks do adoptive parents like that look themselves in the mirror????? And you are exactly right – what is your little nephew going to think when he grows up and finds out the truth? The TRUTH always comes out in the end – do they suppose that God is going to look kindly on their actions. That their sealing ordinance to make them a “forever family” is going to “stick” in the eternities when they have done nothing COVET another person’s belongings and LIE about his origins and deceitfully use this child’s natural family?

      I want to scream it from the rooftops – THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

      I am so very sad for your family tonight. So very, very, very sad.

      • These have been all our thoughts for the past year! We can’t believe that the adoptive couple can be satisfied and happy knowing that their family is built upon lies. I can’t believe that truly think they are getting the child they have always wanted. We are just appalled by the way the LDS Faith is handling these so called adoptions. It’s amazing how often we have found that this is happening. Larry Jenkins who represents the adoption agencies as well as the adoptive couples, is a slimebag, and will do anything he can to get an unwed father’s rights terminated, just so he can make money off of these babies.

        Thank you sooo much for bringing awareness to the adoption ethics occuring in Utah as well as the rest of the country. I have so much respect for you and your strength in reaching out to your daughter. She will know when she finds you how much you loved her.

      • It’s going to be a long battle to get things set right in Utah – it begins by families like yours NEVER backing down. NEVER. And Larry Jenkins had better be glad I am not God and don’t control the SMITE button because it would not be pretty for him.

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