Dear Ms. Feverfew –
After “coming out” on FB yesterday about being a mother who has lost a child to adoption, I knew the ward Christmas party this evening would be hard, *especially* since my Relief Society president is an adoptive mother, the bishop has two adopted siblings, and one of my friends is an adoptive mother of three girls, all of whom live in the ward. We are all friends on FB and I know they all read what I wrote about how adoption has affected my family and me. One of her daughters, I’ll call her Jane, was in charge of the Christmas party tonight. Jane is also married to the 1st counselor in the Bishopric and the daughter-in-law of the Stake President (so her husband in the Stake president’s son).
Anywhoooo, I was tempted not to go but I had made a commitment and I was going to follow through with it. And really – what had I done other than told the truth about my life? Is that such a crime? I fully intended to go and have a good time with my children. I had already practiced what I would say to anyone who wanted to talk to me or ask me questions. I thought I was ready to handle “it.” But I guess I wasn’t.
I was the first one to show up to help in the kitchen. There had been some others there but they had all left to go caroling so all of my stuff was already inside. I had cooked a 16 lb turkey, made two 9×13 pans of sausage & cherry dressing, four dozen Lion House rolls, 100 homemade marshmallows, had brought seven dessert/cake stands, five gravy boats, and 15 cloth napkins to line all of the roll baskets. Obviously, I was committed to helping out with this party in any way I could. I was waiting outside the doors when she and her husband pulled up. I said, “Hi Jane! What can I do to help? Put me to work.” Both her and her husband (the 1st counselor in the Bishopric) looked straight at me and then walked right past me into the church, never even acknowledging me. I might as well have been a breeze blowing through the parking lot.
I went into the bathroom, cried all my mascara off, tried to calm myself enough to drive home without crashing, and then left.
I knew this would happen when I told people about you. It’s why I haven’t said anything to most people at church for nearly 20 years.
I am not sure I am going to make it to church tomorrow. Maybe I will go to the beach instead. At least people won’t judge me there. Well, they might judge me if I were to wear a really skimpy bikini because I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in about three years but at least they won’t judge me because of what I did 19 1/2 years ago.