A Christmas Miracle (and Blessing)?

Yesterday, your little brother came home from school, all atwitter with the news of the day.  I was busy rolling out sugar cookie dough and was enjoying his youthful chatter and excitement about his day.

“I got to meet my pen pal, Mom! His name in Ben and he is totally awesome!”

“Oh, that’s great, son. What did you do?”

“We ate cookies and then did a really hard maze and then made a card together and then we had some more cookies. Do I get to eat more cookies tonight for Family Home Evening?”

“Of course, son. It’s one of our Christmas traditions, remember?” The Professor is deeply attached to his baked goods, and especially freshly baked cookies. “So what else did you do with Ben, son?”

“Oh yeah. And then we told each other what we want for Christmas. He wants a Nintendo 3DS just like me!”

“Wow – that’s pretty cool!” I exclaimed as I worked the cold dough into a widening circle.

“Yeah, but that’s not at the top of my list any more.”

“Oh. It’s not?” I asked, a little puzzled and slightly alarmed considering what I have stashed in the back of the office closet.

“So what is at the top of your list now if it isn’t the 3DS?”

“Well, for my sister – you know, the one I have never met – for her to come and spend Christmas Eve with us. I just really want to meet her. I’ve been good all year and so that would be a great present because then my WHOLE family would be here!”

I stopped mid-roll, my arms extended and the rolling pin pressing into the softening dough. I looked up at him to gauge his emotions. He gazed expectantly at me across the kitchen with his chocolate brown eyes…your eyes, my eyes. His little face was lit up with the hope that this is the year he gets to meet you.

You see, last Christmas Eve, we had a long lost family member return to us, a cousin who had been gone for 19 years. The Professor has seen how happy his aunt and uncle are to have their boy with them again, and he has seen his cousins together, loving each other and being together as siblings. He knows it can happen and he wants it for you and for him.

But I had to tell him, “Oh, sweetie. I don’t think that is a possibility this year. She lives so far away from us and won’t be able to get here in time.”

“Oh.” He looks down at his homework. “So where does she live?”

“Utah, kind of by Grandma Penny.”

His eyes grew wide as saucers and he fell back into the chair. “UTAH??? Then why haven’t I ever met her? I used to live there, too. Did she meet me when I was a baby and I just don’t remember her?”

“No. You have never met her and it has been a lot of years since I last saw her too. Maybe sometime she will get to be with us on Christmas Eve, but not this year, sweetheart. I am sorry.”

A miracle and a blessing. A miracle and a blessing. A miracle and a blessing.

Please, someone remind me that this is a miracle and a blessing in our lives.


20 thoughts on “A Christmas Miracle (and Blessing)?

  1. guh. made me choke up. i remember those days with my now 14 yo son. he was 7 at the time we told him about his sister. he was anxious to meet her then. rarely discusses her existance now. makes me sad.

    • Me too. For my children’s sake. I have even come to the conclusion that even if she doesn’t want a relationship with me, having one with them would do so much to help heal my heart.

  2. Oh – that is heartbreaking! Those are the conversations I dread when my kids are told (and I know I need to do it soon – I’ve put it off much too long)….Hugs to you Melynda and I hope that one day very soon, he gets his wish!


  3. My heart breaks for little brother, for all of you. How I wish that a Christmas Miracle could happen for all of you to be together!

    I wish that for all of us separated by adoption…

  4. Oh M, this was hard to read. These things always come up at unexpected times as well, the questions, the longings. As others have said, this is heartbreaking to read – I wish so much you could all have her home for Christmas where she belongs. So she could feel the love from her family, her little brothers and sister. I am so sorry M. Much love xxx

    • They do seem to come up at the most unexpected times, though I wonder if he has been picking up on some of my adoption-related angst and anxiety over the last week. He is a very intuitive child and as much as I try to hide it from him, I know he probably senses something is terribly wrong right now. 😦 I wish I could wave a magic wand and make myself all better for all of my children.

      • (((HUGS))) M. You could be right. My daughter (raised one) often picks up on my feelings even if I don’t mention Amber. It is amazing how they just know… I wish for their sakes they didn’t but further evidence of adoption’s legacy. Wishing we could all receive that elusive magic wand M. xxx

    • It has been very hard, especially with the Professor. His older brother took it in stride a bit more, perhaps because he siblings that were adopted by his dad & step-mom.

  5. Melynda, it’s so hard on everyone, isn’t it? Especially children when they’re young and have such an open, optimistic, simple outlook on life. My daughter learned of her brother when she was 14. There is something to be said about teenage angst 🙂 She keeps her feelings pretty close to her vest and I think is reserving judgement until (if) we hear from him. I’m almost at the point now where I hope he contacts us to meet her more than meeting me. It almost feels like he is missing more by not being a part of her life than not being a part of mine. I truly hope your son gets his Christmas wish next year.

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