“You Probably Think This Song is About You”


Dear Ms. Feverfew –

Now that things have had a chance to settle down a bit after The Great JS Incident of Twenty-Twelve, I have had some time to think about an issue that continues to be bandied about on blogs out there in regards to what I did and how it was handled.

I cannot tell you how many times people have said, “If you had just talked to her in private, she would have happily removed the offensive wording on her public mormon.org profile.”

I don’t know, I will never know, because that isn’t what happened between JS and I. I took her to task publicly for what she had written in her public profile. It isn’t as if I went digging about and somehow snooped in her private communications or attached her name to anonymous postings somewhere on the internet. But that’s not the point of this letter. What happened happened, and all either JS or I can do is learn from what happened and move on.

However, what I do know is there is a certain indivdual with whom JS associates who continues to do things I expressly asked them to refrain from doing in a private communication with this person. They know who they are. They are reading this blog and visit it once, twice, sometimes three times a day. Recently, they spent an hour and thirty minutes looking at 23 different pages on this blog. Also, this person has discussed our private communications on their public blog. They have made me the topic of discussion on their blog on several occasions.

Now, mind you, this particular individual is one of the ones who has been leading the charge of, “If you just asked JS privately, then surely she would comply happily with your request”. And yet…and yet, here this person is. Still visiting my blog. Still reading my Facebook updates. Still leaving messages here on this blog under pseudo-email addresses.  Even after I have expressly and very politely indicated I have no desire and no need to be a part of their circle of “friends.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it’s a free country and this person can do whatever they want, but it’s just…well, it is a wee bit ironic this person is also one who keeps saying, “If you had just played nicey-nice and talked with JS in private, that would have been soooo much better and all of this mess could have been avoided.”  Well, I did exactly that with this person and yet…and yet, here they are, reading this post.

Why is this person so fascinated with me? Why do they spend so much time reading my blog, writing about me and my Facebook status updates on their blog? (Twice within the last couple of weeks, according to people who read that blog and have told me about the posts). Why does this person feel the need to interfere in my life when last November, I very politely and very privately asked them to leave me alone? Why am I such a burr under this person’s saddle? What is it about my life and my story that drives them to continue reading and writing about it, even when I asked them to please leave me alone? If I really were as inconsequential as this person likes to think I am, then why won’t this individual just back off and leave me alone?

I may never know the answer to those questions, and frankly, they aren’t that important to me. I will simply reiterate a part of what I wrote to this person in November of last year:

I respectfully ask you please leave me alone….  You and I will only spend precious moments of our lives arguing over issues that we will never agree on. Let’s both not waste time with this awkward dance and just let each other be where we need to be in our lives.

I think I made myself pretty clear, but in case I didn’t: Please, stop reading my blog if it bothers you so much. Stop reading and commenting to others about my Facebook status updates if they are so offensive. Stop leaving comments if you find me so disgusting and gross.

And yet…and yet, here this person is, reading this blog as I type this very letter. So much for polite discussion in private settings being effective at modifying behavior, eh?

M.

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