Ms. Feverfew –
I just thought I would share this with you. This was just delivered this morning:
I so wished you could have been there at graduation. One of the things that sustained me in the darkest moments of my journey to this degree was the imagined picture of you, Captain Knuckle, the Professor, Princess P. and me in my PhD robes, all standing together for a picture after the ceremony. I imagined a picture of you and I standing together, you on my left with your parents and my parents to my right. I imagined a picture of you standing with me and my husband…a picture of just you and me.
I figured you would be almost 19 by the time I graduated and surely, we would have been in the beginning stages of a reunion and working towards rebuilding a relationship. After all, isn’t that what every single counselor I have ever met with from LDSFS has reassured me would happen when you turned 18? After all, I had done everything “right” according to LDSFS and the LDS adoption culture and certainly I deserved the fairy-tale ending to all of this, the joyous reunion to reward me for my sacrifice, right?
But there are dreams that cannot be. And having you and your parents at my Ph.D. graduation was one of them. I sent your parents an invitation, you know, not that I heard anything back from them. It’s been almost a year since the ceremony. Do you know if they opened it or what they did with it? Did they let you read the letter I wrote? Did they even mention it to you, that your natural mother was graduating with her Ph.D.?
Well, I did. And I wish you could have been there with the rest of us.