“It is This Day, Not You, That’s Bound to Go Away”


Ms. Feverfew –

I am not yet able to write about my conversation with Bishop F. Perhaps in time I will be able to do so, but not this morning, not today. Suffice it to say, he told me this adoption thing was entirely my decision alone and that he had “absolutely no input whatsoever.”

Today, I am going to be gentle with myself. Today, I am going to focus on the children I have with me. We will go to the beach and play in the sugar-white sands. We will come home and swim in our pool. We will have dinner from the boys’ favorite BBQ place and then set up the leprechaun trap to see what we can catch. And when my children are tucked into bed, I will take a favorite book and read until I fall asleep.

And then I will wake up tomorrow morning and this day, this terrible anniversary of such a catastrophic loss in my life, will be gone.

Much love,

M.

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34 thoughts on ““It is This Day, Not You, That’s Bound to Go Away”

  1. (((Mel))) I didn’t realise today was an anniversary day. So sorry… Yes, be gentle with yourself. What you have planned sounds beautiful and I pray it will ease, if just a little, the agony of this day… Sending love xxx

    • Thank you, Myst. It did seem to help to spend the day hanging out with the little people in my life (and not so little – my older son is well over 6′ tall at this point. I guess I can’t call him little anymore!)

    • Me too. For all of us who have these crappy anniversaries in our lives, mothers and children alike. (P.S. That rose bush is starting to get little leaf buds on it – I have hope it will wake up soon!)

  2. Oh M. It took so much courage to have a meeting with Bishop F. Of course he feels that he had nothing to do with anything. Offer yourself loving kindness today. Be good to yourself. Hold yourself close. My thoughts are with you.

    • It was a bizarre conversation, that is for certain. I am rather proud of myself though, I didn’t yell or call anyone names, not once.

      And thank you for your kind thoughts today. It’s almost over.

  3. I hope that you feel tangible love around you all day on this very tough, rough, day.
    You are so wise, I think, to plan a gentle schedule for yourself.

    • *sniff sniff* Yes, and that love was very much embodied in my three children who have stuck close to me all day. It’s been a good day, in spite of what it represents.

  4. Just remember you have many of us with you in spirit even if we can’t physically be with you today.
    You are on our mind, in our hearts.

  5. Dearest Melynda,
    Your courage and dignity continue to inspire me. Your quest for healing and peace has helped me along in mine. You are a wonderful woman and mother to *all* of your children. Know that you are being thought of and prayed for.
    Love,
    Starr

    • Oh Starr…this makes me cry, perhaps because you have known me for so long and see me through so much. I will forever be grateful to you and your SuperHero husband for your generosity of spirit when I was a single mama with Matthew.

  6. Matthew 27:24 When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it.

    Sounds a little similar to me…big hugs to you! I’m glad you are going to try and just take care of you today…you deserve it.

    • Hmmmm…yes, a very interesting parallel, Desi. That is essentially the spirit of his comment – he couldn’t be held accountable for any of the fall out because he isn’t the one who signed the papers. I was.

      *sigh* Double sigh, actually.

      • I probably should have mentioned “casjoh” is Cassi. For some reason it made me log into wordpress and my account there is old and has me under casjoh instead. Oops!

  7. I have been thinking of you and this post since you posted it. While I’m not surprised, it continues to disgust me that these men play such a huge role in the relinquishment of these children, yet seem to think they are completely unattached from the scenario. You are a brave woman for even talking to him.

    Sending you much love!

    • Hey, he was just following the handbook, right? How could he be at all responsible if that’s what the handbook said?

      Now that I have had a few days to digest what he said, I know I shouldn’t have expected anything else from him (not that I did, but still…) After all, he has been working with “unwed moms” since 1978 and can quote LDSFS and NCFA propaganda literature chapter and verse. It was an interesting conversation, to say the least.

      M.

      • It’s second nature to him now, I’m sure. And no offense to LDS members, but most never question what the “policies” are. So to him, I’m sure he was just doing what his religion and higher leaders told him he should.

        I’m sure that the conversation will prove to be therapeutic in it’s own way.

  8. Sorry I am late in on this, but (((M))) and I am so proud of you for having that conversation. I hope that you have found some peace a few days on from the anniversary, which must have been very difficult to come on the heels of that talk with the Bishop. I think you’re right that he doesn’t see his role in all of it because he thinks, quite honestly, that he did the right thing and cannot understand your point of view or regret. What I cannot understand is the frank inability of so many in the LDS hierarchy to step outside of what the handbooks say and consider the exact circumstances and emotions of the people they’re counseling–OUTSIDE the handbook. Then again, religions thrive by having *most* people not question *too* much.

    I struggle with knowing that religion doesn’t have to be so monomaniacal, with knowing that Jesus didn’t want adoption to happen the way it is practiced. With wanting to be religious myself, but being horrified by the way Catholicism acts and treats others, in so many ways. I have been unable to convert because of my internal conflict; it’s hard to be a thinking person and work against the machine. I applaud you for your faith, and wanting to work within your faith for solutions. I would tear my hair out. Sometimes I want to scream when I read your frustrations, just sitting at my computer.

    Lots of love,
    Kara

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