Who’s Your Daddy?


Dear Ms. Feverfew – Yesterday, Dr. Keith Ablow, a
psychiatrist and regular contributor to FoxNews, published the
following opinion piece titled. “A Father’s Day Plea – Let’s Stop
Anonymous Sperm Donations.” Take a minute and go read it. It’s
important stuff. http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/06/14/father-day-plea-let-stop-anonymous-sperm-donations/
In the piece, he writes,

Yet, without seemingly
having given it much thought to it at all, our society now allows
millions of men and women to create children who will never know
their biological fathers. That’s because we sanction allowing men
and women to purchase sperm from anonymous donors. These donors
will forever be shielded from having their identities discovered by
their sons and daughters. This policy inherently presupposes that
bearing children who have no opportunity to know their biological
fathers does not deprive them of anything that is inherently
theirs–as a fundamental human right. It also presupposes that the
biological connection between fathers and children is without much
value at all–since in a wholesale (or shall I say, retail) manner,
we sanction tens of millions of kids being born who have no idea
whatsoever who their biological fathers are and can never find out,
period.

Up
until that point, I was like, “YEEEEEESSSS, Dr. Ablow! You tell
them all!!!!” And then I read this:

None of this, by the way,
has anything to do with adoption. When a child is adopted, many
have the option of finding their parents later on. And even if they
can’t, their adoptions into (hopefully) loving homes were a
solution to other problems in their early lives that needed to be
solved. Artificial insemination by anonymous sperm donors solves no
problem of any child. It is a convenience to adults who are
encountering fertility problems and would prefer the convenience of
jettisoning part of their child’s true life history in order to
commandeer that child from its true biological
father.

Uh…Dr. Ablow, I beg to differ. This issue has EVERYTHING to do
with adoption and I would hazard a guess there are a host of others
who agree with me. Adoptees across this nation of ours have had
their true life history jettisoned for the convenience and comfort
of their adoptive parents. Not having factual and accurate
information about their TRUE LIFE HISTORY is JUST AS WRONG for
adoptees as it is for the offspring of anonymous gamete donors
(sperm or egg). Adoptees are not children of a
lesser God simply because their adoption was a “solution” to an
artificial “problem” (in our case) or real problem. They
are just as deserving of factual information about their origins as
every single other human being.
True, some adoptees are
eventually able to get around the system of falsified and sealed
birth records to discover their true origins, but as a matter of
law, most cannot. And yes, some adoptees grow up in loving homes,
but that doesn’t nullify their fundamental human rights. Towards
the end of the piece, Dr. Ablow says,

In my gut,
I felt it would be wrong to have many children of mine born onto
the planet inherently, irrevocably, forever disconnected from
me.

He’s
right. It is wrong to have children walking the planet inherently,
irrevocably (in Utah, immediately when the TPR is signed), and
forever (especially in the LDS church) disconnected from their
biological parents. This is a Truth the adoption industry
works overtime to cover up and obfuscate. It is a Truth most
relinquishing mothers know in their guts as well, a Truth we must
subvert deep into our psyche so we can survive the loss. Dr. Ablow
is right in more ways than that, too. The opportunity to know
our biological parents is an inherent and “fundamental human
right.” This is just as true for you and all other adoptees, too,
not just offspring of anonymous gamete donations. Much love, M.

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