It’s the Same Old Song: People Say the Darndest Things, Part II

Dear Ms. Feverfew –

I saw this come across the news the other day. It’s an article titled, “Kaepernick’s birth mother speaks of trying to connect with son” by Katie Dowd.

(Photo by Seth Perlman/AP)

As you can imagine, the article is about the 49’s quarterback, Colin Kaepernick and his “not-real mother,” Heidi Russo.  You know the pretend one that just birthed him, like any old brood sow could do?  Yeah, that not-real mother. (Sorry about the snark this early in the morning. I don’t have my filter on yet.) I decided to highlight some of the comments left by readers, just in case anyone was wondering if people’s attitudes about not-real birthmothers/birth mothers is any different once the child is a grown adult. (If you are busy this morning, I can sum it up so you don’t have to read all the comments: Nope, nothing changes in people’s attitudes about not-real mothers if those not-real mothers have waited a lifetime to reconnect with their now-adult children.

Enjoy with a cup of strong brew this morning (and perhaps a barf bag).


P.S. I’ll save my personal commentary so others can draw their own conclusions about the comments.

Linky-loo to original article:

“… Back off and clam up, lady. He moved on 25 years ago, and it’s time for you to do the same.” (outa_here 9:39 AM on December 6, 2012)

I’m wondering if she really has an ulterior motive and is attempting to only get to know him for financial gain…” (
mbonhamwolv 4:18 AM on December 6, 2012)

“It’s sleazy of the media to give her a platform for self-promotion at his expense.” (plano453 7:59 PM on December 5, 2012)

Hey Heidi, Colin is not your son, and you are not his parent.” (BlockHead2u 7:52 PM on December 5, 2012)

“…did she have permission or approval from adoptive parents when she went to visit him during college days????????????? (michol0808 5:34 PM on December 5, 2012)

A birth mother is not the same thing as a Mother.” (MsWest 4:53 PM on December 5, 2012)

“Hey Colin? Maybe you should tweet this to her. You had a chance to be part of my life but you bailed.” (hoosier1 4:33 PM on December 5, 2012)

“…she has a pair of brass ones to describe herself as a “parent” when she hasn’t actually done any parenting.” (finnlandia 2:09 PM on December 5, 2012)

I wonder what she needs the money for.” (dr_mojo 2:09 PM on December 5, 2012)

“OF course she wants to renew her relationship. HI son, it’s your mama, can I have some money. I really didn’t mean to give you up.” (R8derMan 2:05 PM on December 5, 2012)

“… you are no more his mother than any other female posting on these pages.” (nixonstheone 1:47 PM on December 5, 2012)

“GOLD DIGGER ALERT! Lets welcome the newest 49er gold digger…NOT! How nice it is to seek some fame now that her son is famous. This loser probably now wants everyone to know that she is his “real” mother. Some people have no shame. (sloan111 1:27 PM on December 5, 2012)

“…outside of biology, she probably didn’t shape any part of what Colin is today. That’s from his “real” parents.” (d2010 12:43 PM on December 5, 2012)

He know’s [sic] who his parents are and it ain’t you Heidi Ho and I use Ho loosely !” (boise49ers 12:10 PM on December 5, 2012)

Maybe she’s angling for a book deal. Title “How I got rid of my baby boy, but now want him back since he’s a big $tar” (
sanfran126 12:05 PM on December 5, 2012)

Piece of work that lady…. FYI: You are not his parent, you gave birth to him. The folks that adopted him and raised him, are his parents!” (Apetez 11:40 AM on December 5, 2012)

Oh my gawd. You are not his parent. You gave up that right.” (wahwah 10:40 AM on December 5, 2012)

18 thoughts on “It’s the Same Old Song: People Say the Darndest Things, Part II

  1. Sadly, not a one of those comments shock me. It’s the norm of what to expect in adoption, no matter how much the industry tries to paint a different picture!

  2. I just wish I could fill a book up with these kinds of sentiments, print it, and give it to every expectant mother whose shadow falls across the threshold of an adoption agency. They have a right to know what is in store for them, and how could they ignore and entire book filled with ACTUAL sentiments of REAL PEOPLE?

    • Does anyone here use Twitter? (I admit I am not a Twitter-er)

      This should be tweeted to Dawn (the Bethany social worker who arranged Tyler and Catelynn’s demise as parents) and to the Bethany Twitter site in general. (I assume there is one, or Facebook) Let them see how the rest of the world judges natural parents.

      I would like their social workers to respond and ask them how they help birth parents deal with the negative stigma that will follow them FOREVER.

  3. How is she gold-digging when she went to see him during his college days? She had no way of knowing then that he’d go pro, right? Man, I don’t even know…

    • Dana – The vast majority of the comments to the article surrounded that very theme: She’s just trying to contact him because she wants money. If he were some normal person, she wouldn’t want anything to do with him. It’s just another example of how birth mothers are negatively stereotyped by the general public. We are heroes/angels/saints/strong/mature beyond our years/selfless when we give our children away, but after the adoption paperwork is signed and finalized, we are just gold-digging ho’s who should back off and clam up.

      • I think the vulture baby brokers and their vulture paying customers are the one’s who need to BACK OFF and CLAM UP, from vulnerable pregnant women. Funny how they become the saint’s in all of this when all is said and done, when if not for HER there would be no him to covet.

      • Hey, don’t denigrate vultures like that!!!! 🙂 A little known fact is that vultures are one the only bird of “prey” that doesn’t kill for food. They do not hunt or prey, but wait patiently until nature provides for them. This quality of not killing and taking, but waiting until death is one of the reasons vultures are so highly respected in traditional cultures. Vultures are a symbol of rebirth and making new life from death, have structured family groups, play games (toss the rock!) with each other, and are fastidious parents. They aren’t much like the modern day adoption brokers at all.

        I propose a more apt analogy is between adoption brokers and hyenas, who will eviscerate their prey and start tearing into the flesh before their prey has even stopped moving. Most of us have probably seen a show on the Animal Planet where hyenas are filmed shredding the side of a pregnant antelope as she is still trying to run from them. That sounds more like the infant adoption brokers I know.

  4. Funny how the commentators kept screaming that she’s not a parent, even though she never claimed to be his parent. Are those people blind or do they lack comprehension? I don’t understand people.

  5. This made me literally sick to my stomach. I could hardly get to the end. The ignorance and self-righteousness of the comments is painful. So much education to be done. But it is so hard when words hurt so badly.

    • I don’t know that education is what is needed, you know? Education implies that one is willing and open to learning new things. I doubt that many potential adoptive parents or adoptive parents for that matter are willing or open to learning about the not-sunshine-and-pony-rides side of adoption. I wish they were, but the realist in me says that’s just a pipe dream.

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