Children Will Not Remember


Dear Ms. Feverfew –

This quote has made the rounds on a few of my adoption-related friends’ pinterest boards:

Children will not remember you for the materials things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.

And it is true. Children don’t need trips to Disneyland, clothes from Baby Gap, summer vacations to the OBX, or private art lessons. They need to know they are cherished.

I have much to say about this particular quote, but for now, I will just point out how terribly ironic it is the adoption reform community has begun to latch on to this quote, simply because of its source. You see, Richard Evans was a member of The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for the LDS church from October of 1953 until his death in December of 1971. Yes, that LDS church, the one, that continues to tell single mothers they really should give their babies away to people who have “more.”

That isn’t to say this quote isn’t an excellent one, it is! It’s full of Truth (with a capital T). Any thinking, sentient human being would agree…well, at least any thinking, sentient human being who wasn’t trying to adopt. For many (but not all) of them, it is all about the Benjamins – who has them, who doesn’t, who has “more” of them compared to other folks in the profiles deemed “qualified” by the adoption agency. Seriously, one need only look at some prospective adoptive parents’ profiles to see how desperately they want to show off their stuff to prove they are somehow more qualified to raise a child than the next couple….or the mother looking at their profile.

But back to the quote from Elder Evans – those kinds of quotes are the kinds of things that can drive a natural mother bat-shoot crazy in the LDS church. On one hand, material stuff doesn’t matter! But according to the adoption agency funded by LDS church member tithes and offerings, material stuff is everything! Heck, they even have expectant moms fill out worksheets to remind her of how little she can provide materially compared to an adoptive couple.

It’s kind of like the emphasis placed on family and genealogy. It’s of VITAL importance to have LDS church records reflect accurate genealogical and ordinance information, but not if you’re adopted. Then it is okay to have blatant lies on your church records that c.a.n.n.o.t. be changed until four generations have passed since the adoption took place. So when my 2rd great-granddaughter has passed away, someone can go back into Family Search and add a note that I am not Phil’s genetic offspring, nor am I sealed to him as his daughter, even though my church records say exactly that (just to make sure I am clear, I am my bio-dad’s genetic offspring and the sealing to him remains in place because I was born in the covenant. Even though he is a….well, you know what he is). I just think it’s hilarious an organization that claims to have cornered the market on truth and righteousness can’t even tell the truth on their church records.

But what about the LDS culture isn’t full of hilariousness, irony and contradictions?

M.

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