This is an actual postcard sent to an actual mother* of adoption loss by an actual adoption agency in Utah, A Guardian Angel Adoptions.
And yes, you read it right.
The mother of adoption loss can get a $500 gift card for convincing an expectant mother to voluntarily terminate her parental rights and give her child to some couple far more “deserving”/”worthy”/”capable”/educated/well-monied/married than she is at the moment.
One of the common tactics used to keep mothers of adoption loss “in line” is to have them go around to various groups “sharing the miracle of adoption.” This agency is upping the ante by attaching a dollar value to the “recruits” a mother of adoption loss brings to them. What is the logical conclusion of this set-up? Mothers of adoption loss preaching the “miracle” of adoption to turn a profit.
Niiiiiiiiice. </sarc>
Now, each one of these expectant moms who falls in the adoption industry’s web will be, very literally, a cash cow for not only the adoption agency, but also for the mother of adoption loss who recruits her to join the ranks of the childless mothers.
So.
Not.
Cool.
All together now, can we say: Conflict of interest?
And really, why am I not AT ALL surprised an adoption agency in Utah is doing this?
*Used with her permission.
Letters to Ms. Feverfew 
Well, they’ve reached a “new low.” Didn’t know that was even possible…
I know. Even this morning, I am all “What the actual heck???” Except I didn’t say heck. I used the f-bomb. (Sorry, Mom).
Ha! As quoted from their web-site:
” We are an agency that esteems ethics in adoption.” Offering money to recruit new “birth”moms is NOW seen as “ethical”?? REALLY??
“We recognize that the best businesses are those who SERVE their clientele.” At least they are admitting they *are* a BUSINESS. Kudos to them for that (sarcasm).
“We have many return adoptive families, as well as return birth mothers.” I’d like to see just how many “return birthmothers” they actually have. That is TRAGIC…nothing to brag about!! Losing one just about did me in. Two would have put me in the ground for sure.
The more I read on their web-site, the sicker I am becoming.
Amy – thank you for being so brave to read their website and share this information! Stunning, but not expected. And I will put money on it being run by “good” Mormons who go to church every Sunday and hold temple recommends (which they get after answering a series of questions, including “Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?”
Ethics. They keep using that word I do not believe they know what it means.
I pray for strength and comforting for any mother who gets one of these. This is one in a long list of heartless (as in lacking in any compassion or understanding) things that are done to mothers of adoption loss.
This is so sad. I could never (nor would I) talk another mother into walking this hell. Of course I didn’t ”make an adoption plan” either. Maybe if I had considered adoption, or ”wanted” my son adopted I might be in a different place. My son was snatched against my will. It didn’t help when the “”””doctor”””” (and his cohorts) who delivered him and kept me unconscious except for the delivery. Of course, surprise, surprise.. I found out in the next few months that he had snatched a child (a boy) my sons age. Can’t find that man’s name listed **anywhere**. Snatch da’ baby and run and hide. (or snatch one for a friend) He couldn’t even bear the thought of me holding my own son when he was born…he had to drug me into an unconscious hell (some will understand that) again after the intern/nurse(?) asked if I wanted to see or hold (was too drugged and distressed to remember clearly which word he used) It hasn’t made sleep my ‘best friend’. I was ‘kept’ in an *unable to think*, mainly unconscious, state for the next five days (except when convenient) till I was released… don’t remember leaving either, but that I understand why I don’t. I wanted my son!
Someday, someday! this horrible, horrific practice will stop.
Thankful for you Melynda. You have helped me greatly in beginning of my long journey back to -something less than dead-.
With hope for brighter days, truth and healing, Cindy
That sounds like or horrible experience. I’m sorry that you had to experience that.
As adult adoptee I’m always shocked at what most mother’s of loss endure. Stay strong.
I believe this is so much of the reason why they do not want adoption records opened and why adoptees are prevented access to their OBC. As long as they can keep **those things done to separate us** locked away, hidden, said to be destroyed by convenient; fire, flood, mice, etc., truth can be denied. Do you know any other non adoption related files/OBC’s that have been lost to fire?, flood?, mice, or are locked away from those the records pertain to?
And can someone tell me please, why mothers are not permitted any non-identifying information? Why are we not permitted to update medical information? Why are the agency people suddenly disappearing from the office they were in only minutes before? and someone else says, “oh, they’re home sick today”. (when I have tried to go update medical info.)
I also wrote two letters in March/April of this year requesting non-identifying information from the court that handled the ”finalization” and from DFS.. No reply, No nothing from either. I’m guessing my requests (heartfelt and pleading) probably ended up in the trash. No acknowledgement at all.
And this! 500 dollars to very probably cause a lifetime of pain, grief and suffering to an infant/adult adoptee, mother, father, and possibly extended family. So very wrong. It is beyond sick that they would offer such a thing.
giantpetunia thank you for your compassion. There has never been a day, many days before and any day since that it has not been a horrible experience. I wasn’t the only one who experienced that (or all the abandonment of us that went before) as my son most certainly did too because he was there, and in effect, snatched out of his mother’s waiting arms. This is not BSE either. I’m so tired of hearing those days are ‘long gone’ or ‘that’s in the past’. This is another way they can control the dialogue as long as records are kept closed/hidden/concealed they can keep using words like angry, bitter, and question -where’s your proof? They can keep society believing what they promote. Because. we. have. no. proof.
Saddest of all, adoptees, once again it’s not about you. As far as they are concerned it never really was….it’s about them wanting us to disappear/not exist and for you to be ‘forever children’……***theirs***.
We can’t exist if there’s no proof, right? Wait a minute. Our Sons and Daughters ARE the proof we exist. Can’t change that.
I thought it had seen it all. And I am speechless. I cannot even form words, this is one of the most outrageously appalling things I’ve seen in Adopto-land.
Surely this is a line they’ve crossed that proves it’s all profit motivated. Can we say “regulation”? Class action law suit?
Human trafficking….
That’s the same agency I used they are the definition of baby snatchers!
Oh my.
I am so sorry.
Pingback: When did this become acceptable? | The adopted ones blog
I must add this little tid-bit from the adoptive parents’ section:
“Delivery: When your birth mother goes into labor, she will contact her case manager.” YOUR BIRTHmother. This agency *claims* to love and care about their “birth”mothers, yet to me, this statement alone says so much. “Birth”mothers are the first commodity, then the baby comes along and he or she is the commodity…all about ownership and possession. I’m sure the director of that agency would be ***highly offended*** at that suggestion!
YOUR birth mother?
A commodity, indeed.
Reading this post makes my head hurt. Five hundred dollars to recruit others to a lifetime of pain. What will THEY think of next? thanks for bringing this to light.
Pretty crazy, isn’t it? Some very quick person on FB was able to chase down the Utah code and this is, in fact, illegal in Utah.
Be sure to read some of amy’s comments where she quotes from the website of this agency. Their rhetoric is worthy of a blog post over at FMF all on it’s own.
You are right!
Melynda could you please remove this and my previous comment? Thanks.
It’s like I don’t exist. like no-one hears my voice and I cannot go on like this. That no-one says anything about anything I say about my horror with adoption loss. Like they didn’t hear me then, no-one hears me now. so what difference does it make if I say anything at all. Might as well go back to dead. I guess that’s the whole idea about some of us who’s kids were stolen… they didnt want and don’t want us heard or alive. Death would be best. no more of this killer abandonment pain. cindy
Believe me, I hear you. But I know the feeling…like you’re screaming and screaming at the top of your lungs, and no one even stops to say “Huh?” I have been there.
Don’t stop talking. More people are listening than you know.
((((hugs))))
Thank you Amy. You are an answer to prayer. I asked to have one human being who understands, who can say, it’s ok. Thank you *so much* for the hug. i have been attempting conversation about adoption with the person who started me down this road of despair. Because they insist on wanting communication but I can no longer and I refuse to put on that happy face…the false front. No more. They were the first one to abandon me and my son and it has me reeling especially the, “can’t you just say adoption is good?” arrrrgh! No!
Thank you too Melynda for not allowing me to crawl back into that cave of despair.. and worthlessness. Thanks so much for listening. I am so grateful for all the voices in (boy that sounds bad) adoption who are speaking their experience, their truth. I am learning so much through all of this, in that, I hope when/if my son can/wants to find me, wants or needs information or to talk I can be there completely for him. Because I know all too well what it is to not be heard, …especially when we’re filled with grief, pain, anger and sorrow.
a prayer for my son. For our Heavenly Father and Lord and Savior to wrap their arms of comfort around him, to watch over and protect him, and to heal his beautiful heart and spirit. I’m so sorry my darling boy. Forgive me. cindy
That is beyond sick!!
Cindy (mytruth)…
I have been in this since 1985. Very precious FEW people, other than fellow “birth”moms and adoptees, care to listen…much less HEAR what I’ve been saying. My own mother, super influential and major adoption-pusher in my situation, STILL doesn’t hear me. She knows all the counseling I’ve been to, the heart-ache I’ve suffered, and now she knows my “given up” daughter has been suffering also. She still wants to offer up excuses, and recently used the “you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant at 17 in the first place” finger-point on me. The ONE PERSON who is supposed to be there for you with love and support EVEN IF YOU COMMIT MURDER…ha.
I had an open adoption since my daughter was 9. Once I started reading about adoptee’s experiences and how they’re not all happy and grateful for being given up (and after I picked myself up off the floor because I totally believed I was insignificant, replaceable, and my daughter would be thankful to me for giving her to another family) I began to research. I have learned as much as humanly possible, through reading books and the internet, about adoptees, their issues, what to possibly expect, etc. I thought that if one day, I found out that my daughter had issues regarding being given away, I would be able to help her. That day has recently come. She finally opened up about her experiences, the loss she feels, how it has adversely affected every relationship in her life, and has “diagnosed” herself with RAD. Yes, she was adopted at a week old, yet relates to the symptoms of reactive attachment disorder. I am sick. But I am there for her. As much as she’ll let me be.
I hope that one day you will be reunited with your son, and he will forgive whatever needs to be forgiven in his mind and heart. The awakening when you learn that you may be despised instead of praised for giving your child away BY THAT CHILD is like a sucker punch. It goes against everything most of us were told. I have asked my daughter for forgiveness, and apologized with no qualifiers. Still, it doesn’t change what happened, and what we all must live with.
I’ve probably shared more than you wanted to know, and I surely didn’t mean to hijack this blog post! I did read somewhere else that this stupid adoption agency has stopped that “reward” program. Yay.
(((hugs again)))
Amy, thank you for sharing your experience, encouragement, and reality.
I’m so very thankful to hear that the agency has stopped that *sell a mother on child abandonment* program!!!!!!!!
If anyone ‘hijacked’ this post it was me. I do know better manners than I showed here. Forgive me y’all.
((hugs))
Cindy
Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
Some things are beyond belief…….
This is beyond sickening! How dare they!
To all and especially Amy, your comment of November 10th ”hoping I would be reunited with my son” Well, on November 17th, after 32 years and 11 months and a little less than 9 hours.. I received a call from my son’s father saying.. ”our son has found us” … on the 18th I was blessed to hear my son’s voice for the first time since his birth. -Knowing- is incredible!!!!!!!!!!!! (and painful) We have lived within 5 to 25 miles of each other all – this – time. Also his oldest child…surrendered for adoption. This mom’s heart broke for him.. for the mother of his oldest and her family, and his family -his father’s and mine- that have suffered loss to adoption for several generations.
Now begins another part of the journey. I hope we all do well in this, for his sake, for healing, and for love.
with a grateful heart for your thoughts and prayers(hopes). Cindy
I still can’t believe it… so thankful